Everyone goes out when the day breaks, as the sun sets and the darkness quietly and slowly creeps in, everyone starts to make their way home. A resting place, a place of freedom and peace. Refuge. A safe zone, shelter, a place of no worries, a place of zero condemnation. A place of true and unconditional love. That’s what a home is.
The desire of every person; child and adult alike is to be loved, valued and appreciated. Everyone tends to spend longer periods of time where they feel accepted. No one wants to be where they are considered trash or unimportant. That’s the same with children, which makes them vulnerable to so many hurts and pains.
The presence of his parents should be the safest place for a child.
-Ephraim Dauda
Let’s imagine together. Growing up, Jide, the first son of his parents wasn’t used to sharing with his parents, he had a habit of alienating his parents from happenings in his life. Now Jide is in his mid-twenties and telling his parents about events in his life is still a challenge. Jide’s parents complain every day but as hard as Jide tries, he still finds himself sliding back to this aged habit of his. What’s the problem here? After some investigations, we came to the conclusion that the foundation of Jide’s bad habit started from childhood. Jide didn’t find a safe place at home. His mother was a habitual reminder of Jide’s wrongs. Whenever he built up the courage to share with his mother something he wasn’t very proud of, his parents would unconsciously and sometimes even consciously relate to the incidence. Subsequently, Jide grew tired and discouraged so he locked everyone out. He totally stopped sharing with his parents. He didn’t want to be judged. Rather, Jide’s inexperienced peers became his counsellors. And you can guess what direction they guided him into. That’s typically most children. Children are bound to make mistakes and act foolishly a lot of times, that’s why God thought it wise to put every child under a parent. They need to be guided, trained and shown the right way many times because they are lost, unlearned and many times would act foolishly. Expect that.
What can we do to make our children feel at home?
- Show the child unconditional love: Your love shouldn’t be tied to some conditions. It should be as dependable as the value of Pi. Faithful every time.
- Become your child’s friend: Friend is defined as a person that you are fond of, with whom you talk or spend time. Make a schedule for a fun time with your children. Only friends talk heart to heart. Don’t worry, it wouldn’t jeopardise his respect for you as a parent.
- Tell them: let them hear it every time; “This is your home, you can tell Mummy anything”.
- Share with them some terrible mistakes you yourself have made, so they’ll know that no one is above mistakes. Research shows that to get people to share with you a part of their life, share a part of your life. Then subconsciously, they’ll feel safer sharing with you.
Making your house a home for your children would be somewhat difficult for parents who have never seen it modelled before. Thank God we have a father, a heavenly father who modelled a home for us beautifully. His presence is like no other home. Here’s a glimpse;
I have found a place
Where I can pour my heart
I have found a place
Where I can be myself
A place where
I can have no secret to hide
A place where
I am still safe after it all
I have found a place
Where I can find true love
I have found a place
Where I can be valued
A place where my mistakes
Don’t become my end
A place where I am not judged
Based on my past
I have found a place
Where I can renew strength
I have found a place
Where I can be made whole
A place where I can admit
My need for strength
A place where I am not judged
For being in need
With you lord
I can be naked and not ashamed
With you lord
I can be open and have no fear
For I have found in you
A friend that I can trust
That is why you will remain
My great physician
With You Lord by Paul Enenche
I Have Children 